BMT

Any surf movie that goes to the Middle East with 10 Russian bikini models is on the right track in our eyeballs. We wonder how long before the first real surf porn movie comes along. We’ve already seen Brown Pits and Fat Lips, so that title is taken.

check it - vimeo.com/44253174

Two forehand air reverses on one wave these days is as innovative as, say, two helicopter 360’s from the 80’s. Davey Weare, hat’s off to him, was doing that air shit and winning events like half a decade ago. Time to move on kids. It’s over.

Today’s competitive results are all structured around combos and innovation. Jordy throws all sorts of shit into the mix, as does Beyrick these days. No two moves look alike. Forehand, backhand, tweaked wafts to full rotes. Good shit from the kid, despite his attitude. Watch him if you get the chance.

The social media site dropped out on Thursday afternoon for about 80mins and the world went into turmoil. “I looked up and realized that my wife left me 4 years ago,” and “I noticed that my bedroom was full of blood,” were some of the tweets that came thru when the system came up again, describing users’ cold turkey dramas. Prolific tweeter Dan Redman was so bored without Twitter that he went surfing for the first time in ages.

They have pulled funding from the SA Masters team who would have been competing in Nicaragua this year. The Masters team is one of the most successful sports team in the country, but the money is going to having huge Youth Day parties as well as for the 52 officials attending the Olympics with the 110 athletes. That’s including the ilk of assistant coaches, assistant video analysts and assistant nutritionists. We will not be represented in the contest. At the Masters level, in the last 5 years, South Africa has delivered seven world champions and two World Champion teams. That’s better than we’ve ever done in any sport bar the Rugby World Cup in 1995 and 2007. It’s a fucking tragedy happening in front of our eyes. Apparently one can get cheap wristies in Nica as well, so the men are going to really miss out.

The life of a pro surfer in South Africa. First Chad wins massive in the Oakley 1 wave Wonder with a huge combo wave, totally scooping the lion’s share of all the voters. Then he goes public on Facebook moaning like an utter bitch about the cost of entering the ASP events in South Africa (380 us dollars are you joking @asp for entry fee?). Finally, he scores an ASP wildcard into the Mr Price Pro., and he’s all smiles again. It’s a funny old world hey Chad? Good luck for the contest season.

There were three people who voted on the decision made to run or cancel the Volcom Fiji Pro last week. They were head judge Richie Porta, contest director Matt Wilson, and a surfers’ representative, and Porta was voted down by the other two. “It was surfing’s loss,” said Porta on the decision, as the best day on the history of surfing revealed itself before their eyes.

Wok was in Australia recently, and happened to be there at the same time as a nice Gold Coast swell. There was a bit of a rip, so Wok was out there, getting towed into 4-foot waves, posting them on Facebook, and claiming the whole embarrassing debacle. Surfing has changed so much these days and not all for the better. A lot of the faults lie at the feet of people like Wok who are too lame to use their arms to paddle into 4-foot waves. It’s really not quite what The Duke had in mind, is it?

Marc is a goofy-footer who took off on the wrong wave at Pipe on the coast recently, and suffered a heavy wipeout recently with a set wave landing on his back. Heavy enough for him to lose a tooth, take water on the lung, and get helped out of the water and straight to ICU. “He would have drowned if the ous didn’t help him,” said current SA Champ Casey Grant who checked the whole thing happen. Surfing on the coast – it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. We hope that Marc makes a speedy recovery and gets back out there.

Steers decided to run a special recently – Once Off Whacky Wednesday R10 Rib Burger special, but they didn’t do their homework, and most outlets were out of stock by 12 midday, leaving scores of very disgruntled and hungry customers in queues without burgers. Steers did subsequently apologise, but some plus-sized surfers who regularly support Steers and who missed out on this feast were very angry. Swanky and Dean Vincent are two such surfers that come to mind.